TRUST

Trusting God has never been easy for me. I have for the longest time been unable to fully trust Him. Yes, I can trust Him in the little things, but when it comes to really big things in my life it is hard. I am so used to being in control and have had to do everything myself. Latley God has been putting me into situations where I have NO CHOICE but to trust Him, and it is been real hard for me. I have spent alot of time crying and crying out to God. I am learning how to pray in times of need. When I am at work I spen alot of time praying in the spirit on the grill. At least no one at work knows what I am doing. It does help to calm me. The past few days I can't even read the word without crying. I was reading my Devotional Daily Bible (the best devotional I have ever done) and the portion of scripture I was reading was in Exodus 34 and it was talking about finding forgiveness and boy did that hit home. I have a hard time forgiving mself and I know that is wrong, because if I can't forgive myself it means that I can accept God's forgiveness. And I don't want that. I just started balling as I was reading. I read out loud at home so that it helps me to read better outloud in front of others. And as I was reading the scriptrue I couldn't get past a few words without crying. I know more today than yesterday that HE LOVES ME. No matter what I do and as long as I come to Him and ask for His forgiveness He is faithful to forgive me, and I am forgiving myself a whole lot easier.

God has been showing a friend of mine that He wants to "RESCUE ME" ! I have been trying to get a grasp on that cause it is more than my mind can handle. Daily God has been giving me little glimps' of that. I love how when I have trouble getting a grip of His Love He just pours out more so that I get overwhelmed by it. I Love my Jesus and I am starting to take the bricks down that have been up for years.