I'm just living not thriving

I have had a very good weekend even though i had some challenging moments. I have been living with pain for years. I have been praying for God to heal me. I am in faith for it and believe that he has but waiting for the proof to come to earth. I was talking with someone yesterday and i had said that i was scared to talk with her because i thought that see was going to yell at me. see said that there was no need to think that she would yell at me. i also had told her that i felt that all i had been doing is messing up lately. she had told me that when she speaks about me she is amazed that i still have my sanity with all that i am going thru. i get up daily with one thing in mind to make it through another day. i need to see things as God sees them. i love God and want to server him to the best of my ability. sometimes it takes me a little longer to do things, but i push thru the pain and do it. i know there are times when i need to not do things but when i see something that needs to be done i do it no matter the pain level.
i am right now pushing thru the pain. i can't sleep right now because i can't get comfortable. everyday when i go to work i try to set an example to the crew that is under me. i don't ask the kids to do anthing that i wouldn't do. they are very understanding and i love them they are a great group. they can see thru me when i am hurting but i still keep going. i have no choice but to work. it would be great to be able to rest and let God do what he has to do. i am trying to rest but if i stay in bed for more that 4 hours the pain get unbearable.
i would love to get up today and not be in pain. i have done everthing that i belive a God has asked me to do. i have prayed, fasted stood on his word (litterely) wrote scripture on myself (even thought of having it tattooed on me), spent time worshiping and seeking his face, i am desprite and don't know what else to do. i want to have a life that is pain free and that i thrive in. to play with michael and brianna, to be able to play softball again, or to just take a walk on the beach much less down the driveway to take out the trash.
one day, just one day of NO PAIN! that is all i ask for. sorry if it seems as if i have been rambeling on just had to get it out there.

Ohio Learn & Earn (NOT a good idea)

I have been watching the news when a add for an issue that is on the ballott this Nov. It is Called "Ohio Earn & Learn" in the add they say that collage tuation can be earned by the use of slot mach. I don't agree with this at all. I see it as people trying to get gambling in this state. We have enough trouble without gambling. And what kind of message is this sending to the children? Is it saying that its ok to gamble? How many more people/families have to be ruined before we see that this is a Major problem NOT a soulation. We have to find other ways to provide for the eudaction. I pray that this Issue does not pass. It is a very bad idea.