I'm just living not thriving

I have had a very good weekend even though i had some challenging moments. I have been living with pain for years. I have been praying for God to heal me. I am in faith for it and believe that he has but waiting for the proof to come to earth. I was talking with someone yesterday and i had said that i was scared to talk with her because i thought that see was going to yell at me. see said that there was no need to think that she would yell at me. i also had told her that i felt that all i had been doing is messing up lately. she had told me that when she speaks about me she is amazed that i still have my sanity with all that i am going thru. i get up daily with one thing in mind to make it through another day. i need to see things as God sees them. i love God and want to server him to the best of my ability. sometimes it takes me a little longer to do things, but i push thru the pain and do it. i know there are times when i need to not do things but when i see something that needs to be done i do it no matter the pain level.
i am right now pushing thru the pain. i can't sleep right now because i can't get comfortable. everyday when i go to work i try to set an example to the crew that is under me. i don't ask the kids to do anthing that i wouldn't do. they are very understanding and i love them they are a great group. they can see thru me when i am hurting but i still keep going. i have no choice but to work. it would be great to be able to rest and let God do what he has to do. i am trying to rest but if i stay in bed for more that 4 hours the pain get unbearable.
i would love to get up today and not be in pain. i have done everthing that i belive a God has asked me to do. i have prayed, fasted stood on his word (litterely) wrote scripture on myself (even thought of having it tattooed on me), spent time worshiping and seeking his face, i am desprite and don't know what else to do. i want to have a life that is pain free and that i thrive in. to play with michael and brianna, to be able to play softball again, or to just take a walk on the beach much less down the driveway to take out the trash.
one day, just one day of NO PAIN! that is all i ask for. sorry if it seems as if i have been rambeling on just had to get it out there.